


The Butterfly Effect

by eDawg



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27329494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eDawg/pseuds/eDawg
Summary: Beatrice woke up and stretched out her arm in search of Ava. She was confused when she didn’t find anything. It was rare that Ava woke up before her and even rarer that she voluntarily got out of bed before Beatrice. Beatrice opened her eyes only to shut them almost immediately. This was not the room she had gone to sleep in. She hadn’t been in this house for over three years. It was her parent’s house. She hadn’t spoken to her parents since she came out to them as a lesbian in freshman year of college.OR Beatrice finds out the Butterfly effect is real
Relationships: Shotgun Mary/Shannon Masters, Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva, Sister Camila/Sister Lilith (Warrior Nun)
Comments: 39
Kudos: 160





	1. A Nightmare

Beatrice woke up and stretched out her arm in search of Ava. She was confused when she didn’t find anything. It was rare that Ava woke up before her and even rarer that she voluntarily got out of bed before Beatrice. Beatrice opened her eyes only to shut them almost immediately. This was not the room she had gone to sleep in. She hadn’t been in this house for over three years. It was her parent’s house. She hadn’t spoken to her parents since she came out to them as a lesbian in freshman year of college. 

How the fuck did she get here? And where the fuck was Ava? And why the fuck wasn’t she in her bed in her apartment she shared with Ava? It was supposed to be a happy day. Yesterday she had walked across a stage and graduated college and now she and Ava were going to set out on a month-long trip on El Camino in northern Spain. They were leaving in three days. Only now she was inexplicably in her childhood bedroom.

Beatrice grabbed her phone. She scrolled through it hoping to find answers but only adding to her confusion. Nowhere in her phone was Ava’s phone number. She had no text chains with her. She does have Lilith’s, Camila’s, Mary’s, and Shannon’s numbers though. She wonders if she should call Ava anyway because she knows her number by heart. Or at least she thinks does anything could be different. Maybe everything is different, maybe she was on mars. It would make more sense than her being in her parents’ house. Beatrice doesn’t know what’s going on. Maybe this is just a nightmare and it will all be over soon. A very scary nightmare. 

Beatrice wondered which one of her friends was most likely to be able to help her in this nightmare she was in. Beatrice had decided that this couldn’t be real and that maybe it was a test and if she passed it, she would get her life back, her Ava back. She needed a friend if she was going to get through this. Lilith and Mary were rooted in reality whereas Camila was more willing to believe weird shit. Also, Camila was a better shoulder to cry on. It didn’t take many rings for Camila to pick up the phone. 

“Hey,” came a voice that definitely wasn’t Camila.

“Lilith?” asked Beatrice. 

“You know that Camila doesn't like to wake up before eight on weekends,” said Lilith.

“Yes, but why do you have Camila’s phone?” asked Beatrice. 

“Because we are roommates?” said Lilith. She was unsure why Beatrice was so confused. 

“Right yeah. Morning brain,” said Beatrice. Apparently, things were quite different in this alternate reality or whatever this was (please let it be a dream). Lilith and Camila were dating but hadn’t taken the leap to live together yet. (Though they spent nearly every night together.) 

“Do you need something Bea? Is something wrong?” asked Lilith. She had concern in her voice. 

“Can you and Cam meet me at Cat’s Cradle at eleven?” asked Beatrice.

“Sure Bea,” said Lilith. “Can I ask why?”

“It’s gonna sound crazy,” said Beatrice. 

“Great, I love crazy,” said Lilith.

“I’ll tell you in person,” said Beatrice. 

Beatrice spent several hours on her laptop Googling things trying to figure out if any major things were different in the outside world. It didn’t seem so. Though the landscape of her personal life was irrevocably different. The most glaring difference was Ava was not in her life and she was on good terms with her parents. She could only draw one conclusion from the information, she had never come out of the closet and the ripple effects were large. But why hasn't she? She had double checked the date, so it wasn’t time travel. Still she supposed if the multiverse theory was correct there was an alternate reality where she never told her parents that she was a lesbian and she ended up double majoring in Economics and Business.

She stalked all of her friends' social media. Lilith and Camila weren’t dating. This must be because in her world Ava had set them up. It looked like Mary and Shannon were still together though, which was good. They were made for each other. Looking at Ava’s social media was painful. She was in a relationship with JC. It was hard to see the woman she loved happily in a relationship seemly unaware that she loved Beatrice in another life. It hurt to think about. Beatrice shut her computer quickly as if she could shut out her pain.

She found her journal. It was odd to read, she felt like she was invading someone’s privacy. It seemed that everything was more or less the same through high school but from freshman year forward everything changed. It was kind of startling how much Ava had change her life. This Beatrice was so different from who she had become. One choice and she barely recognized herself. She read an entry from her journal dated from some time in junior year. It was addressed to Ava. She found her heart aching for her other self.

> _Ava,_
> 
> _In the dark recess of my heart I keep my love for you. If I am being honest, and I am trying to be in this letter I will never send, I don’t want to love you anymore. I tried to walk away from my feelings and when that didn’t work, I started to run. I am still running. But the faster I run the shorter the distance between us becomes. Feelings cannot be outrun or outsmarted. They can never truly be hidden for yourself; they will always find cracks to slip through and where there are no cracks, they create them leaving destruction behind._
> 
> _Our friendship is an odd one. We only hang out only when your other friends aren’t around. Neither of us are the same when we are together. I am far bolder you are far more vulnerable. I like you best when you are not being everyone’s favorite Ava, but I love you always. How I long to tell you of my feelings. How I long to tell someone, anyone about my feelings._
> 
> _I want to bring our relationship into the light. I want it to be so much more than it is. I want to kiss your lips. To call you mine and to be your in return. When I am in your arms, I feel brave. If I could bottle up that feeling I would. When we leave each other, I feel that you are taking the best part of me with you. It hurts every time. But you always leave, and I always let you go. It hurts a little more each time._
> 
> _I am afraid that I am hurting you. It might be just my imagination, but I feel sometimes that you too might have feelings for me. Romantic feelings. I wish that one of us would take a leap of faith and tell the other before our silence pulls us apart from the seams. Because Ava, love, we are falling apart, and my heart cannot bare the pain. So, I long to no longer love you. But I dream of loving you openly and honestly and to have that love be returned._
> 
> _Sometimes it feels like our relationship is in purgatory because everything that remains unspoken. I lie to myself often when It comes to you. I tell myself that the truth will ruin our friendship. This is a malicious lie. My silence grows on our friendship like mold. And the only way to save it is for me to speak every left unspoken. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. Oh Ava, if only I was braver._
> 
> _With love always,_
> 
> _Bea_

Beatrice flipped through the journal only to find entry after entry about Ava. She found the tear stained entry where Beatrice wrote about how Ava had stared to date the quarterback of the football team. She wanted to hug the other woman. The woman she loved was in the arms of another. But she also felt herself grow angrier at her other self. Why the hell didn’t she ever tell Ava how she felt. Things would have worked out. Also, she found it odd that Ava wasn’t in her phone. She must have delated her contact information. What in the world had led to that decision? It must have been very painful. Soon it was time to leave to meet her friends. 

Beatrice found Lilith and Camila at their normal table at Cat’s Cradle. Well at least some things never changed. It was a small comfort. She ordered her normal drink, something that Ava had induced her to, a London Fog with lavender and vanilla flavor. Then she had them put it on ice just to be slightly more annoying (leave the tea bag in). 

“What the fuck is that?” asked Lilith pointing at Beatrice’s drink.

“It’s an iced London Fog with a shot of lavender and vanilla,” said Beatrice. 

“Since when do you drink anything with added flavor?” asks Camila.

“That is why I called you,” said Beatrice.

“You called us here because you ordered a drink other than drip coffee with room?'' asked Lilith. 

“No, I called you here because the reason that I ordered this drink,” Beatrice said.

“Which is…?” asked Camila. 

“It’s Ava Silva’s favorite drink.”

Both women looked at her. They were both confused what Ava had to do with any of this. Ava wasn’t someone that they knew well (they didn’t know about the more or less secret friendship that Beatrice and Ava had had). She was something of a legend at the university they went to. She was loud and charismatic and also she was the star soccer player. She was a known partier and the parties she graces her presence with were sure to be epic. She was in short everything Beatrice wasn’t. 

“Who the fuck cares?’ asked Lilith. 

“I do because she is my girlfriend and I love her,” said Beatrice. Again, both women stared at her, as far as they knew Ava was dating JC the star of the football team.

“Bea you’re not making sense,” said Camila. 

“I know,” sighed Beatrice.

There wasn’t an easy way to tell your best friends that… Beatrice didn’t even know what. She was a different Beatrice from an alternate reality. Or maybe it was just a nightmare and she was going to wake up soon and it didn’t matter what she said because nothing mattered. She didn’t know. She wasn’t equipped for this. She wished she had her Ava.

For the first time she wondered how _her_ Ava was doing. Did she have to deal with the version of Beatrice that she just took the place of? That had to be painful. Her heart called out to Ava. She silently said a little prayer to her Ava. From what she knew about the Beatrice back in her home she was not going to be much help. That idiot wasn’t smart enough to date Ava the easiest decision she had ever made. Still she felt bad for the dumb, dumb she didn’t know the happiness that Ava’s Beatrice knew. How sad for her. She felt guilty that it took this long for her to think about how _her_ Ava must be feeling. 

“I not Beatrice. Well I am but I’m not your Beatrice. I went to bed last night after graduating with a degree in fine arts in a bed I share with Ava my girlfriend in our apartment. I haven’t talked to my parents since I came out as a lesbian freshman year, yet I woke up in my old bedroom,” said Beatrice. She waited for a response from her two friends.


	2. Not a Prank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava wakes up to a terrible surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this to instead of the other work I'm working on.

Ava was awoken by a scream. It sounded like Beatrice. She jumped out of bed faster than she ever had in her life. Beatrice was secretly afraid of spiders and she needed her brave Ava to swoop in and save her from them. That is the only reason she could think for Beatrice screaming (besides when Ava made her scream) because Bea was scared of nothing. Ava loved to be the brave one sometimes. She loved the feeling of being needed. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Ava?! Where the fuck am I?” asked a very frighten looking Beatrice.

“In bed? In our home?” said Ava. She was very confused.

“Our home?” asked Beatrice.

“Are you feeling alright?” asked Ava. She crawled back into bed. She moved to feel Beatrice’s forehead to see if she had a fever. Beatrice flinched away from her touch worrying Ava even more. Beatrice was very touchy feely in the mornings. Whatever was wrong Ava vowed to figure it out with Beatrice.

“Ava seriously how did I get here?” asked Beatrice.

“You live here Bea,” said Ava.

“I think I’d remember if I lived here. With you,” said Beatrice.

Ava sighed. She did not think she would have to deal with an amnesiac girlfriend. She was not equipped to deal with this. She needed Beatrice; Beatrice would know how to deal with this. But Bea was standing right in front of her and she was no help at all. Ava wished that the roles were reversed.

“Tell me, what is the last thing you remember?” asked Ava.

“I went to bed in my room at my parents’ house after the graduation party they threw me,” said Bea.

“But Bea you don’t talk to your parents,” said Ava. Now she really, really didn’t know what was going on. She was starting to get very worried. She had comforted Bea on more than one occasion when the hurt of not having a relationship with her parents got too much. Bea had just cried the other night about how her parents wouldn’t be at her graduation. Ava had set quietly and held her together as she let herself fall apart. 

“What? Yes, I do. Wait what are you talking about?” asked Beatrice.

“You haven’t talked to your parents since you came out freshman year. I was there, you cried in my arms. That night was the first time we kissed. I will always remember it as the best worst night of my life,” said Ava. She wanted more than anything to pull Beatrice close. To hold her. She looked so lost right now and Ava’s heart was aching for her. She didn’t know what was happening but whatever it was she was less and less sure that the Beatrice that was standing before her was _her_ Beatrice. 

“I don’t how I got here but I need to get home,” said Beatrice.

“Bea this is your home. Look around,” said Ava. She opened the closet. Half of it was taken up with Beatrice’s clothes. Ava pointed to pitchers around the room all of which had happy Beatrice and Ava in them. Some of them had the other Sister Warriors (Camila, Mary, Shannon, and Lilith). Beatrice’s eyes widened as if realizing this was way too elaborate to be a prank. Ava noticed again how Beatrice was, but wasn’t the Beatrice she knew. Something was very off about the woman standing before her. But she was still Beatrice the woman she loved. She would help this woman standing in front of her. 

“I’m sorry Ava, but I haven’t spoken to you for almost a year. This is just a lot to take in,” said Beatrice. And ouch that really hurt. Ava felt like she was just kicked in the stomach. She was close to tears now.

“I can leave you alone for a few hours if you want,” each word hurt to say.

“Would you?” asked Beatrice in a small voice. Ava nodded before leaving the room. She barely got out of the room before she started to cry. Not even bothered by the fact she was still in pajamas she grabbed her phone, keys and wallet and left the apartment. Minutes later she found herself outside of Mary and Shannon’s apartment. Mary and Shannon were a year older than Ava and it was a group joke that they were her moms. And now Ava needed the advice of her moms.

Ava nocked on their door. A grumpy Mary came to the door.

“I swear to god… Oh Ava. What are you doing here?” asked Mary. She was worried that a tearful Ava was at her door this early in the morning.

“Can I come in?” asked Ava not answering the question. Mary nodded she was befuddled by Ava’s behavior, but she assumed it had to do with Beatrice. But only last night the couple were so gross to be around it was hard to reconcile this girl who looked so small and sad with the larger than life girl from last night. 

“What’s wrong?” asked Mary with trepidation. She knew that she was inviting a flood into her living room. Once invited to talk Ava never stopped talking. But instead Ava just started to cry harder.

“Shh whatever it is I’m sure it’s going to be fine,” said Mary. She awkwardly wrapped her arms around Ava. Silently calling out for Shannon’s help. Shannon was much better at this than she was. As if she could read her mind Shannon came into the room. She guided the two women onto the couch.

“I’ll make us some tea,” she said. It was a full five minutes before either woman could get Ava to say anything at all. Ava sat and sipped her tea. It had lots of honey and lemon just the way she liked it.

“I don’t know where Beatrice is,” she said at last. The two women just stared at her for a moment. It was Shannon who recovered first.

“What do you mean you don’t know where Beatrice is?” she asked.

“That’s is complicated part,” sighed Ava. She launched into the story of the morning.

“So not Beatrice, Beatrice is just back at your apartment?” asked Mary.

“She needed space,” said Ava, “whoever she is she is still Beatrice and I love her. But what if my Bea is stuck wherever she is forever?” Ava started to cry again.

“Hey, it’s okay we will figure this out together,” said Shannon.

“You believe me?” asked Ava in a small voice.

“Of course, we do,” said Mary. “I mean this shit is too bat shit crazy for even you to have come up with it,” said Mary.

“I just need her back,” said Ava. She also had a nagging feeling that she had to help the other Beatrice. She was so lost it broke Ava’s heart a little. Her Beatrice was full of life. She didn’t feel the need to hide her true self from the world this Beatrice was so closed off. Well to be fair she had woken up in a bed not her own, but still. Ava wanted to help her. She couldn’t help it. Seeing the person, she loved the most in pain made her hurt.

“Wherever your Bea is I’m sure she is doing just fine. I don’t know of a person more put together than Bea,” said Shannon.

“You’re right Bea is amazing. I think other Beatrice needs me though,” said Ava. “she looked very lost,” she continued. She got up to leave.

“If you need anything at all don’t hesitate to ask,” said Mary.

“Even if it’s just to talk we are here for,” added Shannon. 

Ava went home. She found her feet dragging. She didn’t know what she was expecting but she wasn’t ready to deal if not Beatrice. She couldn’t help but wonder why this was happing. Was there a cosmic conspiracy against her? She had lost both of her parents when she was seven. And for years after she had lost the ability to walk. It was a physiological problem the doctors said. When she did finally regain the ability to walk, she vowed never to be so still again. Soccer was her outlet. Things in her life were going very well and then this happened. Fuck the cosmos. It wasn’t fair to Beatrice. 

“Beatrice I’m home,” called Ava. She found the girl sitting curled up on the love seat in the living room. She was reading what Ava recognized as Bea’s journal. Her face was an unreadable mask even for Ava. Ava didn’t know how she felt about the other Beatrice reading the journal, but she could blame the girl. How off putting it must feel to be trapped in a life that wasn’t yours.

“Find anything interesting in there?” asked Ava trying hard to keep her tone light. Beatrice looked up at her, she had tears in her eyes.

“It’s the single most surreal experience in my life,” said Beatrice.

“Any insights?” asked Ava.

“Life sucks. I have a relationship with my parents but not be honest with them about who I am is so painful. Either way it sucks,” said Beatrice.

"I like to think I make Bea very happy. But yes, not having parents hurts. But it’s not too late for her parents they aren’t truly gone,” said Ava.

“I have no doubt you make her happy. I found this entry,” said Beatrice. Then she started to read before Ava could object to hearing.

> _I wish there were a word for the collision of heartbreak and whatever the opposite of heartbreak is, a deep sadness rooted in pain and betrayal and at the same time the euphoria of finding love and having it be returned. Human langue is truly limited. My heart is falling to pieces and being mended at the same time and there isn’t a word for it. Why isn’t there a word?_
> 
> _Ava and I kissed for the first time and my heart is soaring but at the same time my face is tearstained. My heart is being torn asunder. On one side I have Ava and my friends by dear Sister Warriors and on the other my parents who find my “lifestyle” as unacceptable._
> 
> _I just want them to understand me. I want them to see the woman I am becoming and for them to be proud of me. At the same time, I kissed Ava and she kissed me back. I want to be with her always. She is my person and I’m hers. I know it is foolish, but I think she is the one._
> 
> _Everything is a confusing mess._

“I want to help her get her parents back,” said Beatrice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you for reading everyone!
> 
> Peace and love! Be safe everyone!


	3. Like being Slapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything goes wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> up till now most of the next chapter had been finished before I post but I have only written a few sentences of chapter four so I don't know the timeline of when it will be published. I'm also very busy at work so yeah. turns out I care a lot about my job feeding hungry people.

“I didn’t even know you knew Ava,” said Camila, as if this was more unbelievable than the fact that Beatrice had traveled dimensions or whatever happened. It was so weird that Camila and Ava weren’t friends here. 

“We met freshman year in class. In my timeline we started to date freshman year after I came out as a lesbian to my parents after Christmas break,” said Beatrice.

“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to wrap my mind around you dating Ava,” said Lilith, “I mean it’s Ava. Also, an alternate universe? That’s a bit hard to swallow. But you dating Ava is more so. Ava is so… irresponsible,”

“I know it’s hard to believe. But I don’t know what else it could be. And Ava is really good for me, and she’s brilliant, funny, and amazing” said Beatrice.

“You’re really in love with her, aren’t you?” said Camila.

“I am,” said Beatrice. She pulled out a ring hanging on a chain. It had belonged to her grandma and she had been wearing it since Christmas freshman year. It had been important to her grandma; it had become a talisman connecting her to her family. A small thread that connected her, grounded her when all other ties seemed to have been severed, and now she was ready to give to Ava. Ava was her family and her heart. 

“I was going to give her this during our trip to Spain,” said Beatrice.

“You going to propose to her?” squeaked Camila. 

“I would in any universe. If Ava would have me,” said Beatrice. She pulled out the journal and flipped the pages to the love letter that her other self had wrote to Ava and read it out loud. “Then a few months later Ava got with JC and a brokenhearted Beatrice stopped talking to Ava all together,” said Beatrice. “I feel like I need to find Ava,” she continued.

Lilith and Camila looked stunned It wasn’t hard for her to see why. A few minutes ago, they didn’t even know she knew Ava and now they found out she was going to propose to her, on top of her alternate universe theory. It was a lot. Beatrice felt lucky that they hadn’t run out screaming yet. 

“Well that’ll be easy as she just walked in,” said Lilith. Beatrice turned around to see Ava walked in the Cat’s Cradle. She looked like she had a rough morning. She was wearing a pair of sunglasses. Beatrice guessed that she had been out all night partying.

“Fuck what do I even say to her?” asked Beatrice.

“You just said you wanted to find Ava,” said Lilith with an amused smile on her lips.

“I didn’t mean literally right now,” said Beatrice.

“No time like the present,” said Camila.

“You guys are the worst,” said Beatrice.

“Aw you love us,” said Camila.

“We’re here for you,” said Lilith. 

Her heart pounding in her ears she walked up to Ava. Knowing this was a terrible idea and wouldn’t work out well for her she tapped Ava on the shoulder. She didn’t know the ethics of messing with her own life that really wasn’t hers, but she didn’t care. She had to try to smooth things over with Ava. It was unacceptable for her relationship with Ava to just end in any universe. She had to be brave like Ava had taught her. This was happening. Ava turned around. Her face was shocked and frankly a little angry.

“Beatrice? What the fuck?” said Ava.

“Can we talk?” asked Beatrice.

“Oh, now you want to talk? Seriously Bea? It’s been almost a year,” said Ava. Her voice was so full of venom it made Beatrice flinch. It felt like physical pain to hear the anger and pain in Ava’s voice. Like someone had just punched her in the gut. She couldn’t help feeling a wave of hatred for the other Beatrice for cutting Ava out of her life. 

“I always want to talk to you Ava,” said Beatrice honestly. “Please just have coffee with me?” Beatrice held up her drink. “I’ll buy.”

Ava stares at Beatrice for a moment like she can’t believe her nerve. But something in Beatrice’s face must have changed her mind because she sighed and nodded. Beatrice wondered how pitiful she looked.

“Fine,” said Ava like that one word pained her to say. “But you have five minutes.”

“I can work with that,” said Beatrice. Ava went to sit down while Beatrice got her, her drink. She tried desperately to get her mind in order. But it threw her off kilter to hear the venom in Ava’s voice. Even when they fought Ava didn’t sound like that. Ava reserved that voice to deal with people who had hurt her. hearing it being directed at her was almost more than she could bare. What the fuck had she gotten herself into? She looked back at her friends. They smiled at her as if to encourage her. 

“I know I fucked up and I’m sorry,” said Beatrice. Ava sitting across from her had her arms crossed tightly over her chest. She didn’t say anything or even react. So, Beatrice continued, “I hurt you. I have been a coward for a long time now and I… I’m sorry.” This wasn’t strictly true. The half truth tasted funny in Beatrice’s mouth. Maybe half truth was not the right track to be on. 

“That’s nice Beatrice but you ghosted me for almost a year now. How I trust you mean what you say?” asked Ava. It was a good question. Beatrice wanted more than anything to go home, she couldn’t make promises for the other woman. Could she had to come clean. She played with the ring on her neck. The truth was the answer. As crazy as it was going to sound. She never was comfortable with lying to Ava. Ava was so open and honest. Ava who wore her heart on her sleave deserved the truth. 

“Ava I’m not Beatrice. Well I am but I’m not your Beatrice. And I can’t make promises for her. But I know she knows she fucked up,” said Beatrice.

“Fuck Bea at least make up a good lie. When you said you wanted to talk, I expected to at least have an explanation but course you don’t. I’m done we’re over,” said Ava. She got up to leave. Beatrice knew she had to act fast or lose the woman she loved.

“Where I come from you and I have been in a relationship for three and half years. I know a lot about you. I know that when you were three you told people you were from Jupiter. I know you can’t swim because you are scared of sharks and therefore refuse to get in any body of water big enough to contain one, which is irrational. I know that that last words your mother said to you were ‘Ava be quite’ and that has haunted you ever since. I know that you like to be the big spoon. I know your fear is being left alone which is why you’re so mad at me right now. But I also know your greatest strength is your ability to forgive people, and to love them not despite their flaws but because of them. And I know I love you” she said. Ava stopped walking. She set down rather heavily.

“Well maybe that proves you aren’t in your universe. But it doesn’t matter because you’re not you. I’m leaving. I’m just done Beatrice. I’m done getting hurt because of you,” said Ava. She got back up and started to walk out.

“Ava…” Beatrice started once more she felt physical pain. But Ava didn’t turn around. Beatrice got up to follow her. Ava turned around sharply, she had fire in her eyes.

“Just leave me alone Bea. I’m done. It’s just too painful,” yelled Ava at the same time Beatrice said, “Ava please.”

Then Ava was gone leaving a heartbroken Beatrice in her wake. Beatrice dropped into the seat and buried her face in her hands. And for the first time since she woke up in this nightmare she started to cry. She maybe just made things worst. She was startled by someone siting down next to her.

“Hey,” said a soft voice. Beatrice looked up to see Camila looking at her with love in her eyes. Beatrice wrapped her arms around her and continued to cry.

“What if I never get home?” said Beatrice in a small voice almost if she said it too loud it would come true.

“You’re the smartest person I know, you’ll figure it out,” said Camila. Something occurred to Beatrice in that moment. Maybe she had just ruined things with Ava here in this world, but she might be able to get Lilith and Camila see sense. Knowing that running after Ava now would be a terrible idea. The only thing to do on the Ava front was to wait for Ava to come to her (hopefully she would) Beatrice decided that she would throw her focus at getting Camila and Lilith together. Plus focusing on something else would take her mind off the train wreck that just happened.

“What are you and Lilith doing today?” asked Beatrice.

“Who says we were doing something together?” asked Lilith siting down next to Camila, too close to be strictly platonic. Camila shifted so that their arms were touching. None of this was lost on Beatrice. How could two people as smart as Lilith and Camila not see that they were perfect for one another?

“You’re always together, it’s almost like your dating,” said Beatrice. Lilith cheeks turned red, while Camila got a thoughtful look on her face.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Lilith.

“Oh nothing, nothing,” said Beatrice with a smile.

“As a woman from another universe you can’t just say cryptic things,” said Camila.

“I don’t think pointing out that you’re basically dating is cryptic,” said Beatrice.

“How would you know that though?” asked Lilith.

“I just assume things here can’t be too different from home,” said Beatrice. The two women sitting across from her looked shocked at the implication.

“Are we dating where you come from?” squeaked Camila. But before Beatrice could answer her phone rang. She looked at the number on the screen. It read mom. She hadn’t talked to her mom in just over three years, but she supposed this version of her mom didn’t know that.

“I’m sorry guys it’s my mom I have to take this,” she said. Her heart was beating very loudly in her ears. She took a deep breath and answered the phone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. 
> 
> Peace and love everyone!  
> Be safe out there friends.


	4. Heart to Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A whole lot of Nothing happens

“I want to help her get her parents back,” said Beatrice. Ava’s head started to spin. She didn’t know what to say. That sounded like a terrible idea. She knew that her Bea wanted to have a relationship with her parents, but she wasn’t sure if it was _this_ Beatrice’s job to reach out. It wasn’t either Beatrice’s job to reach out. That responsibility was solely her parents. 

“That is a terrible idea!” said Ava.

“Or it’s the best solution to solve the conundrum we are in,” said Beatrice.

“What do you mean?” asked Ava.

“Well obviously you want me to go home so you can have your precious Bea back. What if to get her back you have help me mend what is broken?” said Beatrice.

“How did you jump to that conclusion?” asked Ava.

“I need to do this Ava. I just know it,” said Beatrice.

Ava had never been good at saying no to Beatrice. Even though the woman standing in front of her wasn’t _her_ Bea she still is Beatrice and every bone in Ava’s body wants to help her. The woman standing in fort of her looks so helpless, so lost, but at the same time determined. Ava knows from experience once Beatrice got that look in her eyes it was nearly impossible to talk her out of whatever she had set her mind to. The only thing she could do was support her.

“Fine. What do you need from me?” asked Ava. She wasn’t sure this was a good idea. She remembered when Beatrice had come out to her parents and the pain it had caused her. She didn’t think she could ever forget the night. It was life changing moment. 

Flashback

_Ava was having a normal night. Her roommate had just come back from Christmas break earlier that day and with her she had brought her boyfriend. Ava had left her room shortly after. It never took her roommate long to get physical with her boyfriend. Now she was held up at the library reading a book for class which started in two days. It was very unlike Ava to do any homework until the night before it was due, but she had little to do. Her friends wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. Her phone rang._

_“Bea? What’s up?” asked Ava._

_“Can you come over?” asked Beatrice she sounded like she might cry. Ava was perplexed by this. She could not think of a reason as to why Beatrice would be close to tears. But she knew she wanted to make it better._

_“I’ll be right over. This is perfect actually I’ve been sexiled. Do you need anything?” asked Ava._

_“I just need to talk. Again? This like the fifth time! You really need a new roommate,” said Beatrice. Five minutes later Ava was standing outside of Beatrice’s dorm. Beatrice came out of the dorm building to great Ava. She wrapped her friend in a tight hug. This was not like Beatrice who was reserved when it came to physical contact. Though Ava had noticed that lately Bea had become more touchy around her._

_“Is something wrong Bea?” asked Ava._

_“I so glad you’re here,” said Beatrice not answering Ava’s question. Beatrice grabbed Ava’s hand and led her to her room which was empty._

_“How was your Christmas?” asked Beatrice. Ava thought about lying to Beatrice and telling her it was great, but she felt if there was one person in the world, she wanted always to be honest with it was Beatrice. Beatrice who she wasn’t Ava ‘star soccer player, life of the party’, or sad pitiful orphan Ava, but just Ava._

_“It was lonely,” said Ava._

_“I’m sorry,” said Beatrice. And Ava knew she meant it._

_“It’s not your fault,” said Ava. She and Beatrice were sitting on Beatrice’s bed. Ava rested her head on Beatrice’s shoulder. She wished that she were brave enough to tell Bea how she felt about her. Since they had sat next to each other on the first day of class Ava had had a crush on Bea but over the quarter her crush had grown into something more. She was falling hard for the girl sitting next to her._

_“I’m still sorry,” said Beatrice_

_“I’m okay now that your back. How was your break?” asked Ava. Beatrice didn’t answer at first. Instead she scooched closer to Ava making her heart start to beat twice as fast as it was before._

_“That bad?” asked Ava. Her voice had taken on a special soft quality she reserved only for Beatrice._

_“It all felt like a lie Ava. And I’m not sure I can keep up this charade much longer,” said Beatrice._

_“I not sure I follow,” said Ava carefully. She was 99% sure she knew where this conversation was going. Beatrice had come out to her college friends but had yet to come out to her parents. But Ava wanted to give Beatrice space to say what she needed to say._

_“I was going to come out to my parents over break, but I wasn’t brave enough,” said Beatrice._

_“Bea you are the most amazing, brave person I know. But maybe you needed physical space between you and your parents before you were ready to come out. But you shouldn’t feel guilty about not coming out. If you aren’t ready you aren’t ready,” said Ava._

_“I am ready. But I think I need you here with me when I come out,” said Beatrice. She looked at Ava with eyes so filled with emotion, so vulnerable that Ava felt her heart do a swoopy thing._

_"Of course,” said Ava._

_“I think I need to do it now,” said Beatrice._

_“I’m here for_ _you always I promise,” said Ava. She took Beatrice’s hand in hers and squeezed._

_Watching Beatrice come out as a lesbian to her parents was one of the most painful experiences in her life. And while time smooths out the sharp edges of pain Ava knew that she would feel this pain for a long time. But she was also aware that this moment would reverberate throughout her life. She held on to Beatrice the whole time hopping that she was enough to anchor her to earth._

_When the call ended Beatrice collapsed into Ava’s arms and started to cry. She had held back her tears during the call but now she released them in the safety of Ava’s arms. Ava said nothing she just held her and waited for the storm to pass. She had no words. She needed no words in that moment._

_“Ava would you stay the night? I don’t want to be alone,” said Beatrice._

_“Of course,” said Ava. Beatrice gave her a week smile. Then they were kissing. Their bodies melted into each other._

_“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time now,” whispered Beatrice._

_"Me too,” said Ava and she kissed Beatrice once more._

End of Flashback

“Fine. What do you need from me?” asked Ava. She had never met Beatrice’s parents, but she wasn’t a fan. Somehow, they had produced a wonderful, loving, smart, and creative daughter for which she was grateful, but she was nowhere near ready to forgiving them for how they treated Bea. She was unsure she would be able to keep it civil if she had to come face to face with them.

“I think I have to do this on my own,” said Beatrice. And even though Ava wanted no part of any plan involving Bea’s parents the words still hurt.

“Let me come with you,” said Ava.

“Can I ask you a question?” said Beatrice.

“Shoot,” said Ava. She was more than a little perplexed.

“Why do you care so much?” asked Beatrice.

“Because I love you. I love you Beatrice and I know you aren’t the woman I fell for, but you have her face and I think at the core you are one and the same. And years ago I made a promise to you that that I be here for you always, and I don’t intend to break that promise now,” said Ava.

“I wish you’d stop doing that” remarked Beatrice.

“Doing what?” asked Ava. It felt almost like the two of them were not speaking the same language at the moment. Ava was so used to speaking Beatrice and having Bea speak Ava in turn that it was hard to remember that the woman standing in front of her didn’t speak Ava nor apparently Bea. She found herself wishing that she had her Bea back for nth time.

“Making me feel guilty that I’m not _her_ ,” said Beatrice. She looks shock at the words that came out of her mouth like she didn’t mean to say what she just said. But it’s too late. Ava feels the pain like she just got stabbed; she thinks she has no point of reference.

“I’m so sorry. I know it’s not fair for me to say that. It’s just you look at me sometimes with so much love and then a sadness when you remember I’m not her,” said Beatrice. Ava wrapped the other woman in her arms. It was an instinct she couldn’t help herself. Beatrice tensed and then relaxed into the hug. Ava drew circles on the nape of her neck to calm her down. Once her heartbeat slowed down Ava let go.

“You said you hadn’t spoken to me in almost a year. Why is that?” asked Ava. It had been bugging her since Beatrice had mention it. In what world did Ava and Beatrice not even speak? It was unfathomable to Ava. Had the other Ava fucked up that badly?

“I fucked up,” said Beatrice. Ava knew that she really meant it because Beatrice hardly ever swore.

“I sure it wasn’t all your fault,” said Ava.

“But it was. I pushed you, Ava away. She had started dating JC and it was painful to watch. I just ghosted her,” said Beatrice she looked like she was waging a battle against the tears that were silently falling down her face.

“Why would I ever date JC?” asked Ava. Freshman year JC, Chanel, Randall, and Zori were her closest friends, but slowly she started to adopt Bea’s friends. She had given them the name the Sister Warriors because of how fierce their loyalty and friendship were. As she grew closer to the Sister Warriors and started partying less (the performance she put on at parties had always left her feeling empty.) and consequently she found herself drifting apart from her old friends. And her new friends never made her feel like she had to be anything other than herself. She couldn’t even imagine dating JC. She couldn’t even imagine dating anyone else but Bea.

“Because he’s your best friend? And he’s so hot,” said Beatrice. She looked like she was holding back an eye roll. Ava rolled her eyes for her.

“Bea is my best friend. But besides Bea, Mary is my best friend,” said Ava.

“Mary is your best friend?” Beatrice was incredulous.

“Beatrice a lot changed on the night you came out to your parents. Not all of it was positive but a lot of it is amazing,” said Ava.

“Do you think the other Ava would forgive me if I opened up to her?” said Beatrice almost too quietly for Ava to hear.

“I think you have a good chance, yes. Plus, I can’t imagine JC is making her all that happy. He’s hot but he doesn’t push her to be a better person,” said Ava.

Beatrice looked thoughtful for a moment. Ava could see the wheels turning in her head. She knew that look it almost always meant that Beatrice was coming up with a brilliant scheme. She didn’t know weather she should be excited or worried. 

“I have an idea but I’m going to need your help,” said Beatrice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you as always for reading.  
> Do something kind.


	5. Meet the Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice goes home for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I'm sorry that took so long. I not sure I'm happy with it. I really don't know what I'm talking about people.

Beatrice didn’t even know what she was supposed to say to her mom. How to act around her. It had been three years since she had talked to her parents. She had waited for them to contact her to apologize for the way they had acted when she had come out as a lesbian, but after a while she had given up hope. They were, however, still her parents and she still found herself hoping they would call. And now her mom was calling. It wasn’t the same thing at all she kept telling herself. Despite this she found along with the anger and hurt she felt toward her mom there was also a deep longing. She just wanted her mom back.

“Hello?” said Beatrice.

“Beatrice? Where are you? You haven’t packed yet. We’re leaving in two days,” said her mom.

“I out with friends we got coffee to um celebrate,” said Beatrice. She looked to Camila for help. Camila grab a pen and a scrap of paper out of her bag. She wrote “You’re going to Rome” on it and held it up for Beatrice to read. Well at least that explained why she needed to pack.

“I’ll be home in like ten minutes,” said Beatrice.

“Dear can you stop by the store and pick up some gum? You know how your father likes to have gum on the plane,” said her Mom.

“Of course, mom,” said Beatrice. She hung up. Beatrice stared at her cell phone like it she was worried that it would explode. She hadn’t talked to her mom in three years and never in her wildest dreams did she think that her first conversation with one of her parents would be so mundane. She didn’t know what to think about going home for the first time in three years.

“I should… yeah I should get going,” said Beatrice awkwardly.

“It’s going to be fine,” said Camila.

“What is?” asked Beatrice.

“Everything,” said Camila. She said it with such conviction that Beatrice almost believed her. She wished she could be more like Camila sometimes. So sure, that things would work out for the best.

“We love you,” said Lilith. She sounded almost like she was choking on the words.

“If you need anything at all let us know,” said Camila.

“Thanks guys. I love you too. You guys are the cutest couple,” said Beatrice. She didn’t even realize what she had said. Had she not been so preoccupied with her worries she would have noticed Lilith turning beet red and Camila choking on her coffee at the implication.

Flashback

_Going home for Christmas freshman year was a very uncomfortable experience. It hadn’t been long since high school, but Beatrice no longer fit into the high school shape hole she had left. She no longer felt like she wanted to fit into the perfect daughter role she had all of her life but neither did she feel comfortable being her true self. The tension between the person she wanted to be and the person she felt pressure to be threatened to snap her like a rubber band. Because the truth was, she didn’t want to be an economics, business double major, nor did she want to be a doctor. But more importantly she wanted to date women (well one specific woman) and she didn’t want to have to hide that part of herself._

_She had only been home a day and she already missed her friends. She missed Camila’s laugh which was infectious, and Lilith’s sarcasm. She would miss Shannon’s ability to make just about anyone feel heard. She even missed Mary who was new to the group but who’s bravery inspired her. However, the person she missed the most was Ava. She missed everything about Ava. Mostly she missed the way that Ava made her feel safe. Made her feel like herself more than any other person in the world did._

_She thought about calling Ava many times but something about being in the house she grew up in stopped her. Ava wasn’t compatible with her childhood home. Ava was loud and colorful. She was everything her parents were not. And somehow Beatrice couldn’t reconcile her two worlds crashing into each other. So, she grits her teeth puts on a smile and lies her way through conversations with her parents while her heart breaks painfully but silently in her chest._

_The last straw was when her parents tried to set her up with a man. He was four years older than she was. He was in law school at the University of Washington and he was duller than a bag of rocks. Sure, he was handsome if you were into that sort of thing, but the man had zero personality. His hobbies were collecting stamps and his favorite food was oatmeal. Plain oatmeal with nothing on it, because that way one could really appreciate the oat-ness of it. And he wouldn’t shut up about a recent trip he had taken to Sacramento California. His favorite town in America._

_Beatrice was particularly good at finding reasons to feel guilty; but her last trip home was the crowning jewel of self-flagellation. She felt guilty about not coming out and guilty for feeling guilty. She even managed to feel guilty for leading the man her parent chose for her on. And on top of all of that she felt lonely. Her family no longer felt like family. The house she had grown up no longer felt like a home. So, she smiled and played her part, but she knew deep down that something had to change._

_It all came to a head a week before she was supposed to leave to go back to her dorm. It was late at night, but sleep wouldn’t come. Ava was there every time she closed her eyes. Ava who she was pretty sure liked her back. And before she knew what she was doing her phone was ringing in her ear._

_“Bea?” came Ava’s voice._

_“Ava, I just needed to hear your voice,” said Beatrice._

_“Bea it’s two in the morning, is everything okay?” Ava sounded worried._

_“Yes. I just need to hear your voice, so I’d know you are real,” said Beatrice._

_“Oh, I assure you I’m very real,” said Ava. Beatrice could almost hear Ava eyebrow raise suggestively._

_“That’s all I need. Good night Ava,” said Beatrice._

_“You truly are weird,” said Ava in response before she hung up. Beatrice knew now what she needed. She needed to Ava. It was always Ava from the moment they had met. If she was ever in doubt, she wasn’t any longer. She had to get back to Ava._

_“What do you mean you’re leaving early!?”_

_It was the 26 th of December and Beatrice was supposed to go back to school on the 3rd of January. But being in her parent’s house made her feel suffocated. She knew she needed to leave._

_“I just need to leave,” said Beatrice. Years of practice the only thing keeping her voice even._

_“How can you do this to me?” asked her mother._

_“Now Beatrice you have upset your mother,” said her father. Beatrice wanted to stomp her foot like she would have as a little girl, but she controlled herself. Already she could feel herself starting to back down. She never did have much resolve when it came to her parents. Ava, she needed Ava. She had to get back to Ava. She could be brave if she had Ava with her._

_“I just feel like I don’t belong here anymore,” said Beatrice. Tears threatened to fall. She forced herself to gain control._

_“Oh, honey you will always belong here,” said her mother. She wrapped Beatrice in her arms. Beatrice let herself believe for just a moment. It was a lie she knew it was a lie, but she closed her eyes and chose to believe it just for a few more days._

End of Flashback

The house looked exactly the ways she remembered it and somehow this socked Beatrice. But of course, it did. Why wouldn’t it? It was a large house. It took up the whole block. And the yard surrounding it was immaculately maintained by an army of gardeners. Beatrice wasn’t ready for this, but she had to be. She remined herself that these people in this house knew the other Beatrice. Back into the closet she had to go. She could do this.

Beatrice walked up to the front door as if she were walking to her execution. She really didn’t know what to expect. She had an awful pain in her chest. She had all but fled the house in the morning, now she actually had to face what was inside. Nothing could be scarier than facing her parents for the first time in years; only to these people it had only been the night before. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to face Jon and Daphne.

Beatrice hesitated as if the doorknob was red hot. Sure, she had woken up here but now she was going back into the lion’s den by choice. Beatrice figured that she could always run away if she needed to. She had friends whose arms she could run into. It wasn’t too late. But Ava had taught her to be brave, to be bold. She could do this. Right?

In the time that she found herself rooted to the spot the choice to stay or flee was taken out of her hands. The door was opened, and she came face to face with her mother. Beatrice didn’t really know what she expected but the woman standing in front of her looked exactly like she remembered her. But of course, she did.

“Oh, there you are dear. I was starting to worry you got lost on your way home,” said Daphne. She let out a little laugh at her little joke. “You’ll never guess who’s coming to dinner tonight.”

“Is it some very eligible bachelor?” asked Beatrice. Trying her very hardest to keep a neutral tone of voice. Her mother would surprise her with a new suiter at the farewell to Seattle dinner right before a trip to Rome.

“He’s in med school,” confirmed Daphne. She was leading Beatrice by the arm to her room. And Beatrice knew that she was in for a long afternoon of being her mother’s doll. But she couldn’t quite find the energy to be mad at this woman who never put energy in to getting to know her own daughter but who tried to mold her into something she could never be. A small part of her wanted to cling to every moment with her mom for they might be her last. Another part of her was frustrated at herself for caring so much. Hadn’t this woman broken her heart?

Maybe every child got their heart broken when they realized that their parents weren’t the heroes, they grew up thinking they were. But Beatrice’s parents never left a finger to help her mend it and now she was still contemplating the broken pieces on the ground. It had been Ava who had started to help her mend her heart. Now she realized that she wanted her parents to swoop in like they did when she was a little girl with a scraped knee. She didn’t think it was unreasonable wish.

Dinner was its own unique type of hell. It's not as if Beatrice hadn't sat through a dinner like this before but now, she was with Ava which made it worse. Every moment was like little daggers in her heart. Plus, she had no idea what to talk about. She knew that her counterpart was an economics business double major, but she had just graduated with a BA in fine arts with a focus in photography and an art history degree. College was therefore mostly off the table. So was art, her friends, most of her hobbies. Then it hit her she would just let him do all of the talking.

“You look uncomfortable is it something I said?” Med School said. Beatrice couldn’t remember his name.

“Oh no not at all,” said Beatrice.

“It seems like maybe you don’t want to be here,” he said. He had a slight smile on his lips and Beatrice got the idea he had gathered more than he was saying.

“Well parents are notoriously bad at setting their children up,” said Beatrice. She took a slip of wine.

“I don’t know I think they did a great job all things considered,” said Med School.

“What do you mean by that?” asked Beatrice drinking more wine.

“Well, it seems that our parents are in deep denial,” he said with a wink. And there was the knowing smile again.

“Yes, it does seem that way,” said Beatrice.

The night wasn’t so bad after that. But Beatrice was relieved when it was finally over. She had been to several of theses thinly veiled blind dates and this was by far the best one. Mostly because Med School who Beatrice learned was named Jeremy was nice and also very gay. Her mother and father both looked happy that their daughter was finally taking an interest in a man they approved of. But at long last all of the guest left, and Beatrice was able to go hide in her room. Beatrice threw herself on her bed and started to cry. All she wanted was to go home to Ava. How long was this nightmare going to last? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this mess. Please leave comments and kudos. if you want.  
> Peace and love to everyone.  
> Do something nice for yourself.


	6. A Good Chance for Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long!

“We should gather the Sister Warriors!” said Ava.

“The who?” asked Beatrice.

“Our friends? The Sister Warriors,” said Ava.

“You named our friends?” asked Beatrice.

“Well duh,” said Ava.

“You are so unbelievable,” said Beatrice. Her serious tone undermined by a smile. 

“That’s why you love me,” said Ava. She wasn’t thinking. As soon as it came out of her mouth, she rerated saying it. For a brief moment Beatrice just gaped at her. Ava knew Beatrice’s face better than she knew her own and even she could not tell what the other woman was thinking. And then Beatrice was in her space. Their lips were touching. It all happened so fast. And all Ava wanted was to melt into the kiss. Shut her eyes and pretend it was the right Bea she had in her arms. But she didn’t, she pulled away.

“I’m sorry,” said Beatrice. “I shouldn’t have… I don’t know… I’m sorry,” she turned bright red.

“Beatrice look at me,” said Ava. Ava took her index finger tilted Beatrice’s chin up so she was staring into her deep brown eyes.

“I don’t know how not to love Beatrice any Beatrice. It is so easy to forget you aren’t her. That this,” Ava swept her arms around “this isn’t your life. And those aren’t your photos. I wanted to kiss you. I always want to kiss you no matter the version in front of me. But I can’t. But don’t be sorry. Never be sorry,” said Ava.

The women stood for a moment in awkward silence. Ava feeling more profoundly alone than she had ever felt even in the orphanage where she grew up. The home that she had made with Beatrice felt empty without her. But she also wanted to help the woman in front of her. Sure, she had selfish motives, but she also just wanted Beatrice, any Beatrice to be happy. 

Ava ensembles the Sister Warriors in her and Bea’s living room. The room was full of Bea’s art. Which alt Beatrice was looking at with an awed expression. It was almost as if she couldn’t fathom taking them. Maybe she couldn’t. Ava was starting to realize that she had had a large effect on the woman she loved. Larger than she had even fathomed. Most people never knew the effect they had on people and Ava was lucky enough to witness it. Sometimes in her darker moments Ava wondered what it was that she brought to the table in the relationship, now she no longer had to wonder. What a gift.

The Sister Warriors made themselves comfortable in Ava and Bea’s living room. A group of women that Ava thought of as her family. She had named them sometime in her second year of college. Sure, she had other friends. She still sometimes hung out with JC and crew and she had friends from her major but none that she considered family.

“So why did you call all of us here Baby H?” asked Mary.

Ava had updated everyone on the situation over their group chat but had given few details as to why Beatrice wanted to talk to all of them. Camila (who was siting on the arm of the of the chair that Lilith was siting on, while Lilith had her arm wrapped around her keeping her balanced) was looking at Beatrice like she wanted to deconstruct her like she would with a computer. It’s kind of scary actually. Lilith is also staring hard in a way Ava can only describe as searing. Mary and Shannon are doing a better job at acting normal.

“Beatrice needs our help,” said Ava. She stepped aside so that Beatrice could have the floor.

“I want to vandalize a house,” said Beatrice.

“Shit baby Beatrice has finally grown up,” said Marry.

“Why are we vandalizing a house?” asked Lilith.

“With what?” asked Camilla.

“Girls let the woman speak,” said Shannon. 

Ava caught Beatrice’s eye. She could see the hint of a smile on her lips. Ava figured that in the sea of unfamiliar her friends were an island of familiarity. A comfort. And Ava was glad that she had insisted that they gather the tactical team. Ava could think of no better group of women for the job or for any job.

“I want to vandalize my parents’ house. I want to make it the gayest most rainbow house in Seattle,” said Beatrice.

“That’s… not what I expected,” said Camila at the same time Mary said, “That’s brilliant!”

The women starting to plan. It would be easy enough to get into the property if they wanted to leave a giant footprint but if they were going to be like ghost they were going to need Camila’s considerable skills.

“The whole area is covered by cameras the rich have security systems that are very sophisticated,” said Camila.

“Yeah, but like it’s you,” said Ava as if that meant something.

The woman made their way to Beatrice’s house. They brought all of the supplies they might need to make her parent’s house the gayest house in Seattle. Which is a tall order. For fun they were all dressed in black even though Camila insisted that they were invisible.

Ava had always wanted to graffiti a wall. This was more fun than even she could imagine. She wished that her Bea were here to see it. She also wished she had Bea’s skills. Ava was no artist and while Beatrice was mainly a photographer, she also was very good at painting. Still spray painting a rainbow was something that Ava could handle. Even though this Beatrice hadn’t spent years as an art major she still had some major skills. Ava figured it had to do with the fancy private school she went to. Also, any Beatrice from any universe was bound to be hyper competent at anything she did.

Ava knew that they were in a shit tone of trouble when she saw the headlights coming up the drive. Beatrice looked like she was in a horror movie. This wasn’t supposed to happen. They were supposed to be out of town. Ava realized she hadn’t felt so like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar in years. Sure, she had her share trouble as a kid but somehow, she never been this scared to be caught. She really didn’t want to care what the parents of her girlfriend thought of her, but she couldn’t help it. And even though she generally disapproved of them they had still raised the woman she loved.

“Run!” hissed Beatrice. The other ran but Beatrice herself made no effort to move. Ava grabbed for her hand. If Beatrice was staying so was, she.

Ava had never met Beatrice’s parents but, in her imagination,, she most certainly wasn’t covered in rainbow pain in the middle of the night right next to the evidence of her crime. As first impressions went it was safe to say she had made better. She also never fathomed she’d be at the side of the woman she loved who wasn’t hers. But maybe she wasn’t ever meant to have the things she imagined. Maybe nobody was. Ava could feel all of the words left unspoken bubbling on her tongue. Words that were stolen from her by prejudice. She wanted to get mad. She wanted to rant and rave, but this moment wasn’t for her it was for the woman standing with her.

“Beatrice,” said a woman so imposing it was like staring at a Greek statue.

“Mother, father” said Beatrice. The anger was so palpable Ava had to remind herself to breathe.

“So, this is your little friend?” asked John.

“Ava is not my little friend, she is my girlfriend,” said Beatrice. She paused for a moment and Ava thought maybe she was done. Beatrice was just getting started.

“Which you’d know if had bothered to talk to me. But instead, you just stopped. You didn’t like who I was so you just stopped being my parents. It wasn’t hate it was much worst it was apathy. Well guess what you don’t get to stop being my parent. That isn’t a choice.” Then Beatrice took Ava’s hand and started walking before either of them had a chance to talk. It was poetic really her parents had stopped talking to her and now she had taken away their ability to respond.

“It was never your Beatrice’s job to reach out first. Now she doesn’t have too,” said Beatrice. 

Bea was lying in the bed that wasn’t hers after a dinner party that wasn’t for her and yet she had been roped into it anyways. All she wanted was to be back with her Ava in her bed. And as if her thoughts had a direct effect on the world, she heard a light tapping on her bedroom window. It was Ava. Ava who looked like she had been to this window before. Maybe she had. Anything was possible. Beatrice opened the window to let the woman in.

“Hey,” said Ava.

“Hey,” said Beatrice.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” said Ava.

“I wasn’t aware you knew where I lived,” said Beatrice.

“You wouldn’t I guess if your story is to be believed,” said Ava. Beatrice could tell if she sounded sad or just tired. Maybe it was both.

“I’d never lie to you,” said Beatrice. The two women stared at each other for a while before moving to sit on the bed. 

“I waited for you Bea. I waited for you to come back and you never did,” said Ava. “And now that you have, you’re not even the Bea I’ve been waiting for.”

“Oh, Beatrice how did you fuck up so badly,” asked Bea.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself. I never said anything either,” said Ava.

“Why are you here Ava,” said Bea. She spoke the words so softly as if she were scared to know the answer.

“I broke up with JC,” said Ava just as softly.

“W-hy?” stammered Beatrice.

“I didn’t love him,” said Ava.

“Not like I loved you. You know I still remember the day we met?” asked Ava.

“I was running late for class. It was so very like me to be late on the first day class freshman year. It was one of the huge lecture halls. Anthro 101. You were sitting in the front row and there was a seat next to you. I wanted to hide in the back but there were no seats left so I figured that if I couldn’t hide, I should at least sit by someone smart. So, I pick you. Or the other you or whatever.

‘Hi,’ I said.

You looked up from your notebook you were drawing something. “Hey,” you said.

‘I’m Ava,’ I said.

‘Beatrice,’ you said. You went back to your drawing it was a crow holding the earth. It was really good. I could see the glint in its eye. The feathers had texture to them that made it look like it could fly off the page. Anyway, I digress. 

‘Have you ever thought about how nothing in this world is completely solid?’ you asked. It was so out of the blue I was taken back by it.

‘Never,’ I said.

‘I’m sorry that was weird,’ you said.

‘I like weird,’ I said with a smile. You smiled back. That smile made my heart skip a beat. I knew in that moment that I needed to know more about you. I had a feeling that one day I would love this girl. I never had anything close to that with JC,” said Ava.

“Is there a point to this story?” asked Beatrice. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. Like the story had stolen the air out of her lungs.

“I could never stay away from you Beatrice,” said Ava. “Do you think when she returns, she will be able to forgive me?” asked Ava.

“For not saying anything,” said Ava.

“I think there is a very good chance, yes,” said Beatrice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this! we are almost done with this hot mess.  
> Please take of yourselves


	7. Marry Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy endings all around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair readers we come to the end of this tail. I started to write this story in a classroom trying to look like I was taking notes. I never finished it and forgot about it. Six years, yes six I started to write it this time with Beatrice and Ava. putting on the internet encouraged me to finish the story.   
> Thank you for reading!

Beatrice woke up and stretched out her arm in search of Ava, she was surprised when she actually found her. Scared to open her eyes and shatter the sweet dream she was in Beatrice moved in the direction of the warm body next to her. Only it wasn’t a dream and Ava pulled her closer. Beatrice could never dream something as real as Ava. Her smell enveloped her. Nothing in the world smelled like that. It was Beatrice’s favorite smell. Beatrice was home now after the most stressful twenty-four hours of her life.

“Morning,” said Ava. Her warm breath tickled Beatrice’s ear and she could almost hear the smile in Ava’s voice.

“We should get up,” said Beatrice it was really the last thing she wanted.

“That sounds like a terrible idea,” said Ava. She moved so she was perched over Beatrice. Beatrice pulled her down into a kiss. She was home, and it was marvelous.

“You’re right what a terrible idea,” said Beatrice. Ava was kissing her neck in a way that made her want to stay in bed all day. Really there was nowhere she needed to be today except here in bed with the woman she loved. Packing for their trip could wait. They weren’t leaving until late tomorrow. Plus, she could feel a need growing between her legs. 

“I love you,” said Beatrice, her voice was thick with lust. She pulled Ava impossibly closer. She needed Ava now. 

“Shh. Let me show you how I feel,” said Ava. And she did over and over.

Sometime later the two women were sitting in bed together. Beatrice was sitting against the headboard and Ava was sitting between her legs. Beatrice was playing with Ava’s hair. She felt sore in the best way. Ava was dozing, comforted by having the woman she loved wrapped around her. Beatrice looked at the clock it was eleven and boy was she was hungry.

“Hey babe,” said Beatrice. She shook Ava gently.

“Hmmmm yeah?” mumbled Ava.

“Do you want to grab brunch?” asked Beatrice. This got Ava’s attention. There were very few things that Ava loved more than going out for brunch after a morning of lovemaking. 

“I would love too,” said Ava already getting out of bed.

Thirty minutes later they were sitting in their favorite booth in their favorite greasy spoon. Beatrice looked so beautiful and not for the first time Ava wondered how she got so lucky. She could see the woman she loved in the other Beatrice, but it wasn’t same. The last twenty-hour hours had stressed her out. But now it seemed that everything was back on track. Soon they would be on vacation in Spain exploring the world together. Ava felt the ring on her right hand. It had belonged to her mother and soon she hoped it would belong to Beatrice.

“What are you thinking about?” asked Beatrice.

“You,” said Ava simply.

“Oh? And what exactly are you thinking about me?” asked Beatrice.

“How much I love you,” said Ava. It wasn’t even a lie it just wasn’t the whole truth. She was mentally writing her proposal speech in her head like she had been for weeks now. 

“Why do you have purple paint in your hair?” asked Beatrice. She reached across the table to touch Ava’s hair.

“Funny story…,” said Ava and launched into the story of the night before.

“Should I be worried?” asked Beatrice.

“About what?” said Ava her mouth full of eggs.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” said Beatrice with a smile, Ava stuck out her tongue then put another large bite of food in her mouth. “I mean my parents could press charges,” continued Beatrice.

Ava swallowed her mouthful, “but they won’t.”

“How do you know that?” asked Beatrice. She took Ava’s hand across the table.

“Because it would be counterproductive to their goal,” said Ava. She squeezed Beatrice’s hand.

“Which is?” asked Beatrice.

“To prove to you they’re not the bad guys,” said Ava. She gazed into Beatrice’s eyes trying to convey that she was always on her side. That she would follow Beatrice to the ends of the earth. That she would move heaven and hell to keep Beatrice safe.

“They should try a little harder,” said Beatrice.

“I totally agree,” said Ava. Ava hooked her ankle around Beatrice’s under the table. The more physical contact the better. Touch had always been a large part of Ava’s love language. Something that really worked for Beatrice who had grown up in a house with little affection. Beatrice leaned over the table to kiss Ava. She knew whatever her parents though, Ava would always be on her side.

“You’re my favorite,” said Beatrice. The ring around her neck felt heavy like it no longer belonged there. Beatrice thought for a moment that maybe now in this booth, their booth after a wonderful morning would be the perfect time to propose. But she had been planning to ask in Spain for over a month now and Beatrice loved to stick to the plan.

_Beatrice woke up in her parents’ house as if the last twenty-four hours hadn’t happened. But there was no way she could have dreamed the other life, the other Beatrice, the other_ Ava _. She didn’t know what to feel anymore. This life, her life was fine but now she saw what could be. She didn’t want to go to Rome with people who didn’t want to know who their daughter really was. She thought that it was high time to find an apartment of her own. But first she had to find Ava._

_She didn’t have to look very far. Ava it turned out was asleep on the couch in Beatrice’s room. How or why, she got there was beyond Beatrice, but seeing her there made Beatrice want to cry. She had just seen an Ava yesterday, but she hadn’t seen this Ava in almost a year and now she was in her room. The last time Ava was in her room they had more or less broken up even though they hadn’t been together. And now she was ready to take the first step in the long journey back to something like trust._

_“Ava,” said Beatrice._

_“Why is it morning?” moaned Ava. Ava opened her eyes and realized where she was. “Oh shit, I’m still here,” said Ava. She jumped off the couch and started to look for her clothes. It was only now that Beatrice realized that Ava was wearing an old shirt of hers._

_“Not that I’m not glad that you’re here, but why are you here?” asked Beatrice._

_“You don’t… oh you’re… oh,” said Ava. She turned bright red. “I didn’t want to be alone last night so umm the other Beatrice let me stay the night. I meant to sneak out before you, she woke up,” said Ava. She was still bright red._

_“Why did you not want to be alone? Did something happen?’ asked Beatrice._

_“I broke up with JC last night,” said Ava. She couldn’t look Beatrice in the eye. “So, I came here but the other you seemed surprise that I even knew where you lived,” said Ava._

_“Well, there would be no reason for you to, in that other universe,” said Beatrice._

_“We should talk about that,” said Ava._

_“The multiverse?” asked Beatrice._

_“No, us,” said Ava. Ava stared into Beatrice’s eyes and it felt she could see her soul._

_“Right,” said Beatrice. This was her second chance. This time she wasn’t going to fuck up. This time she was going to be open and honest. This time she was going to say everything that was on her heart. She was going to be vulnerable and opened up. Ava deserved it. And so, did Beatrice. She deserved to be loved, but to be loved she had to let herself feel and get hurt. She had been afraid that if she came out of the closest, her parents would reject her, and it would hurt. But the thing is living in the closet also hurt._

_“I’ve had a crush on you since you set down next to me on the first day of class,” said Beatrice._

_“That long?” breathed out Ava._

_“That long,” confirmed Beatrice._

_“I hate parties,” said Ava._

_“I know,” said Beatrice not sure where Ava was going with this but willing to wait and hear her out._

_“I hate parties, but JC loves them, so I went to them with him. And I kept going to them, after I became his girlfriend. But I always hated them. And all the time I spent at those parties I wasting time dreaming about being with you instead of just being with you. You blame yourself for not being brave enough to tell me how you felt? Trust me I was just as much coward as you were,” said Ava._

_“So where does that leave us?” asked Beatrice. She stepped closer to Ava. Getting all up into her space. There was a tension in the air a sort of electricity that refused to be ignored. It drew the two women together it pulled them into each other’s arms._

_“We have to choose to be brave,” said Ava. She leaned in to kiss Beatrice. It was a kiss long overdue and there was an urgency of a staved woman coming out of the wilderness after forty day. When they pulled apart, they were both out of breath._

_“We should be brave more often,” said Beatrice. She wasn’t a fool she knew that there was a lot of work to be done but this was a start._

_“I agree,” moaned Ava, and they were kissing once more._

Spain was breath takingly beautiful. Ava felt like she was almost meant to visit. It was dinner on the fifth day on El Camino and the sun was setting, they were looking out on yet another stunning view. It had been a long day of walking and both Ava and Beatrice were tired. But Ava was more in love with Beatrice than she had ever been. Ava knew that this was the right moment to propose to Beatrice. She didn’t know what she was going to say but she was sure she could wing it. Under the table she played with her mother’s ring.

“We could have been so different you and I,” said Ava. She squeezed Beatrice hand. 

“I was just thinking about that,” said Beatrice.

“Yeah?” asked Ava. She was pretty certain big romantic speeches were supposed to be monologs, if movies were to be trusted, but maybe Ava liked doing things her own way. Love after all was a conversation. 

“I mean I made the decision to come out and, in the process, I got to make out with you. Our lives are both inexorably different because of it,” said Beatrice.

“The butterfly effect,” said Ava.

“Yes, the butterfly effect,” said Beatrice. She smiled a little smile. It was a smile that said I love you in a way that words could never.

“You are so brave,” said Ava kissing Beatrice.

“You make me brave,” said Beatrice.

“I am more honest with you than with anyone else. You make me no longer want to hide the best parts of myself. Every moment when I’m with you, you make me feel sexy, funny, and smart, and more myself than I ever feel alone. You make me feel beautiful both inside and outside. I want to make you feel that way because what you are beautiful. You are beautiful Beatrice,” said Ava. She slipped her mother’s ring off her finger.

“I don’t have much from my life before my time in foster care, but I have this ring. My mother’s ring. But now I want to make it yours if you’ll have it. If you’ll have me. Beatrice Naomi Edwards, will you marry me?”

And the thing was there was only one answer. There had always been only one answer since Ava had walked into her life. Maybe the thought that there was only one conceivable answer should make her feel trapped, but it makes Beatrice feel free. The thought of being with Ava made her feel so happy, it filled her with life.

“Yes, Ava I will marry you,” said Beatrice. She held out her hand so that Ava could slip the ring on her finger. It felt right to have and to keep something that had been part of Ava so long. She was so used to seeing it on Ava’s finger. It had become part of the geography of her hand but now it would become part of Beatrice’s finger.

“You look pensive. Is something wrong,” asked Ava.

“I was just thinking about how unfortunate that you beat me to it,” said Beatrice. She took off the necklace she was wearing. On it was her grandmother’s ring. “You see I was going to propose to you on this trip,” said Beatrice.

“And what was your plan?” asked Ava.

“When we got to Santiago de Compostela, I was going to take you to a nice restaurant and order nice food and champagne and make some pompous speech,” said Beatrice. Ava made a face that made Beatrice laugh.

“Just kidding,” said Beatrice. She leaned over to kiss Ava, but Ava moved away.

“Speech first,” said Ava. Beatrice looked deep into Ava’s eyes. They were her favorite color of brown. She loved the woman so much it almost hurt. Now she just had to open up and say the truth.

“If we had all the time in the world, I could tell you everything I love about you Ava, but we don’t. Our time is limited here on earth and I want to spend as much of it as I can with you. I spent the first eighteen years of my life trying to figure out who I am, but now I want to spend the rest of my days figuring out who I am with you. Because each day I find new things I love about you. To love about us. So, Ava Maria Silva will you marry me so I can continue to discover things I love about you forever?” said Beatrice.

“I can’t wait to marry,” said Ava. Beatrice slipped the ring on Ava’s finger. Then she leaned over for a kiss, this time Ava let her. Everything was going to be all right. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading to the end of the tale! please leave any feedback you wish. It helps me feel like I'm not screaming into the void.   
> Love yourselves. Be kind to others. Live your truth.   
> Love eDawg

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this mess. I don't know what I'm talking about so feel free to yell at me in the comments.


End file.
